Who's going on vacation, then?

The intrepid Pengor embarks. But where is he going?

Cross-country woe

Another B3TA Question of the Week. "Tell us your school sports day horror stories". Righty ho:

"When you get to the railway line", said Mr Prince reminding us of the route of the annual muddy slog, "turn right and return to school."

Jimbo was new to our school, and quite the best athlete we'd ever had. He was, unfortunately, not entirely blessed in the brains department.

He got to the railway line in first place, turned right and proceeded to run down the tracks on the London-Bristol mainline. Everybody else, not caring one jot where they were being led, followed. It was just like The Railway Children, only without a lightly-oiled Jenny Agutter and with more police.

The following week, they made us all do it again. Jimbo was found, several hours later, wandering the streets of Henley, some six miles from school. Poor Jimbo. Or, as he's now known: Lord Coe*.

* May contain traces of lie

Is Labour rotten beneath the crust?

Prescott in pie gift shame!

Was John Prescott bribed by Brighton and Hove Football Albion Club? Why did he not declare the gift of pie?

A common's spokesperson said, "The hospitality provided to Mr Prescott by Brighton and Hove Albion consisted of a steak and kidney pie and a glass of water in the creche temporarily being used as the directors' box."

Mr. Prescott was under no obligation to disclose the pie, as it was only a loan.

Your taxes at work

Behold: The 100,000 pound park bench in the shape of a pie.

Youngsters have suggested a "pork pie seat" be built in a Leicestershire town synonymous with the delicacy. An initial design has been drawn up for Melton Borough Council and will be considered by officials.

The idea was put forward by youngsters attending a local youth democracy event in Melton Mowbray.

It is unclear how much the pie-shaped seat would cost but the council said initial research suggested it could cost between 22,000 and 100,000 pounds.

Mmmmm... expensive pie seat...

Cake factory shuts.

Bad news just in.

It'll be the pie factory next, you know.

I blame Jamie Oliver.

The unending circle of pie

1. Go to google.
2. Search on the words done a poo.
3. Click "I'm feeling lucky".
4. Feel smug.

Quack!

Snow duck.

The BIG Question

Nations rise and fall. Battles are fought. Brother fights brother. Father fights son. Blood spills. Wars are won. Kingdoms are lost.

Yet still - the question remains unanswered.

Cornish Pasty: Is it pie?

Price of pie.

Pies. Lots of pies.
Originally uploaded by MonkeyBoy69.

Most of these pies are marked up at £4.99 (around $8.65 or €7.22)

I think that's too much. Even if they are home made.

With veg and gravy added, going between 4 people, it'll bring the meal price to around £1.90-£2.00 each.

So, how much would you be prepared to pay for a pie?

Framley Examiner

Offically today's best thing ever.

For Sale: Cat toilet. Never used (by cat). £10

Terminology

Terminology
Originally uploaded by Anorexic Iguana.

The slaughter of innocent pumpkins

Halloween 1988

Not nearly as impressive as the Potter pumpkin but as good as it's ever gonna get around here...

I make pumpkin pie!

Halloween 2004
Originally uploaded by MonkeyBoy69.

Actually, I make pumpkin soup. Haven't tackled a pumpkin pie yet.

This is my 2004 pumpkin in celebration of the release of one of the Harry Potter films. Can't remember which now...

Society=Doomed part 3,790

Doggy Steps.

Why?

Another angry thread

Or, another short list of people who deserve a punch right up the bottom:

* People who drive around with horse boxes, especially in front of me at 35 MPH all the way from Andover, and appearing, as if by magic, in front of me on the other side of Salisbury. I hate you.

You've got a horse, already. Ride it.

* Err...

* ...that's it.

Scary's lunch-time snack

Scary's lunch-time snack
Originally uploaded by MonkeyBoy69.

Markets are also a good source of seeds.

Humble Pie

Humble Pie
Originally uploaded by MonkeyBoy69.

Never in the field, has so much been done, by so few.

We shall not fail or falter; we shall not weaken or tire...Give us the tools and we will finish the job.

Happy Pi Day

Today is, March 14th, International Pi Day.

Mmmm.... International Pi Day.

Never eat yellow snow

From yesterday's Metro newspaper [found, read only by seventeen other people, on a tube train by GW]:

Snow Idea

A rare weather phenomenon has hit South Korea.

Yellow snow fell in the capital and spread across the country.

It is feared that the snow could be a health threat. The country's meteorological office warned that the snow contains dust from the desert regions of northern China.

Met officials are unable to ascertain the exact content.

'It's tough to say whether it's yellow sand mixed in snow or if it's snow mixed in yellow sand,' a met spokesperson told Reuters.

The weather bureau have issued a yellow dust warning for twice in three days.

'I have never seen yellow snow falling before,' the met official said.

The agency said that the pollutants in the snow included heavy minerals.

As I've always said: Yellow snow is a naturally occuring phenomenon, and is perfectly safe to eat.

Death of a Snowman

This is the most wonderful thing I have ever seen. Cleandemon made it.

"Hello!"


"Oh."


"Shit."

Farmer's markets

are a very good source of pies.

99 Pies!

This is Blog Pie's 99th Post, w00t!
To celebrate, I have doneded a list, simply choc-full of interesting facts about Blog Pie, blogs, and pies. I hope you enjoy it as much as you have enjoyed all the previous 98 posts.

1. It's a blog
2. It's got five authors.
3. Although it's called 'Blog Pie' it's not edible.
4. It doesn't have four and twenty blackbirds in it either.
5. It has featured pictures of pies though.
6. And some recipes for pies too.
7. Pie, is Spanish for foot.
8. Empanada is Spanish for pie.
9. A zebra pie, has not yet been featured.
10. Blog Pie has a special Nature Corner.
11. The authors are not mad.
12. They do have letters from their respective Doctors though.
13. The Spanish for blog is blog.
14. Pie is also something to do with mathematics.
15. Or is that pi?
16. Pie in Russia is called расстегай
17. So in Russia, this blog would be called расстегай blog
18. My dog likes pies.
19. Especially pork pies.
20. Porkie pies, is Cockney Rhyming Slang for lies.
21. One of the nastiest recipes for a pie, includes broken glass and coal tar soap.
22. No pies have been found on the moon.
23. Nor have any zebras.
24. A pork pie, is also a sort of hat.
25. Melton Mowbray make them.
26. Pork pies, not hats.
27. So do Tescos, but they're not as nice as Melton Mowbrays.
28. Again pork pies. Not hats.
29. Pizza pies are nice too.
30. Ooh, I have heard of Moon Pies, but I don't think they are found on the moon.
31. Fray Bentos make rather nice pies in tins.
32. They cook better if you take the lid off before putting them into the oven.
33. Makes them easier to eat as well.
34. Tinned steak and kidney puddings explode if you try to cook them in a microwave without taking them out of the tin first.
35. But that has nothing to do with pies.
36. The film American Pie has a funny scene involving a pie in it.
37. Nightmare on Elm Street hasn't.
38. Clowns use custard pies to hit people with.
39. All Clowns are evil.
40. Can't sleep now, clowns will eat me...
41. If you went to Spain and said you were a foot fetishist, they might think you really liked pies.
42. But probably not.
43. Custard is nice with pies.
44. The sweet ones though. Not so much on steak, or chicken.
45. Unless you're weird.
46. Or pregnant.
47. Or weird and pregnant.
48. Gravy is nice on savoury pies.
49. And on chips too.
50. The Queen's corgis have 19,000,000 pizza pies delivered to them each year.
51. They send the leftovers to Battersea Dogs Home.
52. Pies were invented by the Romans.
53. So that's another thing the Romans did for us.
54. They didn't invent Blogs though.
55. I don't know who invented blogs.
56. The first ever Google Image Search was for a pie.
57. Dehydrated pies have been eaten in space.
58. By astronauts.
59. So maybe moon pie does come from the moon?
60. If it does, it probably tastes of cheese.
61. Because the moon is made of cheese, see.
62. Mice like cheese.
63. But they prefer chocolate.
64. So bait mousetraps with chocolate instead.
65. Or get a cat.
66. I used to have a cat that liked chicken pies.
67. But not gravy.
68. Or custard.
69. I only recently found out what a 'cream pie' was.
70. But I'm not telling you here.
71. Go ask Scaryduck if you really want to know.
72. I have no idea what the word Pie is in Klingon.
73. But I have a feeling that some sad-act is going to tell me.
74. Tony Bliar hates pies and wants to abolish them.
75. Don't ever vote for him if you like pies.
76. John Prescott likes pies.
77. A lot.
78. In fact, the phrase 'Who ate all the pies?' was coined 'specially for him.
79. No pies have ever been featured on a coin of the realm.
80. Or on a stamp.
81. Ooh, I've just found a nice piccy of a pie in a magazine, but I can't be arsed to scan it in.
82. The series Twin Peaks made lots of references to 'Damn Fine Cherry Pie'.
83. Cherry Pie is a slang name for a woman's private bits.
84. Remember that next time you watch Twin Peaks.
85. Stargazey pie always makes me laugh.
86. Because of the little fish poking out of the top.
87. Which makes me think of blackbirds inna pie.
88. Mud Pies are fun to make in the garden.
89. You can make them look pretty by adding grass.
90. And flowers.
91. If you make a mud pie with worms in it and then throw it at the bully who lives in the next road, it will make him cry and his mum will come along and tell you off.
92. Same goes if you drop water bombs on him which have mud and worms in them.
93. It is not a good idea to place a fruit pie in a cannon at a re-enactment event without telling anybody.
94. But it is very funny.
95. The custard makes everything smell nice too.
96. I think I might have pie for dinner now.
97. And Casualty is on at 8.10 tonight too. So if I put the pie in the oven now, it'll be ready to eat when it starts.
98. Erm...
99. That's it.

Blog Pie Nature Corner - The Origins of Zebras

This...

...becomes this...

Does Mr. Scary know about this?

He may want to get a zebra permit before he commences Operation Manky Garden.

I'm just sayin'...

"Cartoon for Scaryduck..."

You are the...

As discussed on SD yesterday and for your entertainment...



Turn it up!!!

Blog Pie Nature Corner - from the WTF files

Ick

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Call the Cops!

Right. A crime has been committed. Some bastard has stolen my ostentatiously chunky gel pen. From my desk. It was here last night, and I arrive this morning to find some light-fingered bastard has lifted it.

I only had it for one day, and had used it just the once - to write the word "fish" on a scrap of paper, now a collectors' item.

Now, I'm not naming names, but I'll be round later with a posse of hired goons who will start breaking legs until I get it back. And that goes for the lot of you.

It was a competition prize. For writing pornography. I want my jazz pen back!

It must be a slow news day...

...when they are forced to publish this kind of red-hot pie news.

This is S. Duck, Weymouth, home of Seagull and Horse-cheese pie.

I made a thing

Foolishly, a friend and I had a go at writing a sitcom that will never be made. BUT! What do you think?

Episode Two

ROGER BOYES BETTING SHOP. EXTERIOR. DAY. WINDOW SIGNS SUCH AS "PRO-CELEBRITY POLE-VAULTING" WITH IMPROBABLE ODDS FOR DAWN FRENCH, PATRICK MOORE ETC. SEVERAL CUSTOMERS CAN BE SEEN ENTERING THE SHOP, ALL ARE WEARING ROBES MADE OUT OF SHEETS AND/OR CURTAINS. ONE OR TWO ARE WEARING ELABORATE HEAD-DRESSES.

CUT TO: BETTING SHOP. INTERIOR. DAY.ROGER BOYES AND A BORED BLONDE ASSISTANT ARE BEHIND THE COUNTER. BOTH ARE WATCHING, LIPS CURLED IN BEMUSEMENT AS THE ROBE-CLAD CUSTOMERS CONDUCT SOME SORT OF CEREMONY INSIDE THE SHOP. STAN, THE ELDERLY, MOST COMMITTED OF THE CUSTOMERS IS WEARING THE MOST ELABORATE HEAD-DRESS AND IS LEADING THE ACOLYTES IN PRAYER.

STAN (close up)
...And grant us, oh great dark ones, your gift of foresight in these darkest of hours. Particularly in the 3.30 at Kempton Park on which I intend to lay a small wager.

CUSTOMERS
So mote it be.

STAN
May you, oh powerful Cthulhu, through these entrails, grant us the favour of the first scorer in West Brom against Fulham tonight.

CUSTOMERS
So mote it be.

STAN
And may this blood spilled on the vinyl floor of perdition spell out the winner of this year's Eurovision, as foreseen in the lost prophesies of Ry'leh.

CUSTOMERS
So mote it be.

STAN
Right -who's got the holy knives of Neasden?

(Silence, blank faces)

Come on, this offering's not going to kill itself, you know.

SHEEP (close up)
Baa!

ACOLYTE
I've got one of these (holds up a Kentucky Fried Chicken spork)

ROGER
Right! Out! The lot of ya! OUT!

STAN
But we're just about to...

ROGER
I don't care. I'm not having blood and entrails all over my floor. It puts the punters off.

STAN
But we ARE your punters.

ROGER (momentarily stunned at the thought of kicking out his only regular customers)
Right. OK. Right. You can stay. But I'm not havin' sacrifice an' worship of false idols in me shop. It ain't right. Either place a bet or get out. And you can take those stupid robes off an' all. It makes this place look like a Turkish bath.

ACOLYTES start drifting out. One or two take off their robes to reveal their everyday clothes. All except Stan, who is wearing nothing but a pair of y-fronts, welly boots and his head-dress.

STAN
But this is important! I've got 50p each way riding on this one.

ROGER
Well whoop-de-doo, if you don't mind me saying. What in the name of all that is holy possessed you to sacrifice a sheep in my shop?

SHEEP (close up)
Baa!

STAN
We couldn't find a virgin.

ROGER
You've got a point there...

STAN
So you don't mind then? (Wields the Holy Spork above his head) Hold still, love, this won't hurt a bit.

SHEEP (close up)
Baaaaaaa!

ROGER
Out! OUT! NOW! And take Flossie with you. She's baa-ed.

Sunday lunch... Steak pie!

"4041"

The number of hits my blog got yesterday. Reason: Getting into the B3ta newsletter.

Or rather, my bottom's in the B3ta newsletter.

I crave not your admiration, just your pity.

Do you like my new car?

1988 Volvo 480 ES...

First registered in April 1988, when I was still at school.

Gawd I feel old all of a sudden.

Worst. Greetings. Card. Ever.

This horror seriously gave me the wiggins when I ran into it in our local Woolies. It's musical, too.

Well, not anymore it's not.