Call the Cops!

Right. A crime has been committed. Some bastard has stolen my ostentatiously chunky gel pen. From my desk. It was here last night, and I arrive this morning to find some light-fingered bastard has lifted it.

I only had it for one day, and had used it just the once - to write the word "fish" on a scrap of paper, now a collectors' item.

Now, I'm not naming names, but I'll be round later with a posse of hired goons who will start breaking legs until I get it back. And that goes for the lot of you.

It was a competition prize. For writing pornography. I want my jazz pen back!